One day I’ll spread my wings and fly,

but for now I’ll just keep holding on.

GOODBYE 2009… and good riddance

Sometimes you can’t find yourself, until you lose everything.

Come to realize this is just one of a long line of past and future disappointments yet to come. I am just experience and reaction. Nothing more.

It’s getting difficault to breathe.

Hello Tumblr. I don’t know how to use you and I lack commitment to you.

But I want you to remember this feeling right now.

This is what happiness feels like.

This is what I have been dreaming about all my life.

It’s not going to last forever.

So just remember this feeling.

So much to say but impossible to find the words.

i met someone really amazing today

we chatted for hours and laughed about how his shoelaces were tied.

he told me i was beautiful and he liked my style

he looked at my photography and told me i was inspiring

but he was different to anyone else

he then asked to know about me

about me as a person.

he was really incredible

i didn’t give him my number, if he knew what was going on in my life right now he’d run a mile, and if he didn’t i would.

i can no longer go a day without having an anxiety attack. i carry my inhaler  everywhere.

the smell of washing powder makes me sick, along with many other things

i havn’t eaten properly in weeks

my skin is awful, my body constantly aches.

i’m tired all the time, a day doesn’t go past where i dont wish i could sleep forever

i’m having the same nightmares repeated over and over again.

i’ve put on so much extra weight, it’s starting to strain

i’m constantly angry about something

i have to sit back an endure all this pain whilst he carries on with his life without a care in the world.

i’m miserable, i wish this could end.

but i’ve never been so afraid for the end to come

” be who you are,
and say what you feel,
because those who matter don’t mind,
and those who mind, don’t matter.”
~ Dr. Seuss

Have you ever had one of those days, those days when you’ve realised who you really are, what you want in life, what really matters. Today was that day, i feel like today I have really started living. The future I have tomorow won’t be the same future I had yesterday.